Once upon a time in my life, I couldn't stop questioning my sanity. It seemed like I had no control of myself and my life and I was a spectator in my own life's field. I just couldn't explain how I let my guards down...giving another human the power to control my happiness. It took a lot of sleepless nights, an exhausted tear gland and constant migraines to get me to that sane zone.
I have decided to skip all the bouts of depression and fits of paranoia and how much of myself I lost or how many job opportunities I was too blind to see thanks to the fact that all of my senses had been dulled by the pains from a broken heart. Now for those guys or ladies forming 'stainless', well, this is not for you. But if you have ever felt like your world was being torn apart like a falling line of dominoes, then I guess this is for you.
I know how lonely and deserted the fields are on the other side, I know just how much it hurts to let go even when there is nothing to hold on to. No one ever said growing up was easy and so even though it is hard to go turkey cold from a person who used to be the centre of your world, I have this to say :
Yes you may still love him/ her...but are you still in love with him or her? and if you are, do they love you the way you do them? because if they did, they wouldn't have hurt you so much, neglected your feelings to satisfy theirs, love isn't selfish and shouldn't hurt so...
When did being in love hinder progress? a problem shared indeed is half solved. If there is one way to deal with personal demons, it should be with the one you love holding you and guiding you through life issues. So there really is no such thing as breaking up to deal with their personal issues.
How much do you love yourself? because if you really do, you wouldn't hurt yourself by holding on to lost hopes...it is just like spending your last breath while drowning, on thoughts of hope when you have the chance to capture one loving memory for the last time. So yes, feel free to clear up your heart's archive, stock it with loving memories that would last a life time and then walk away with these...you would need them.
Give yourself a break, it is okay to cry but not to death. Walking away is more effective when it is done progressively than taking one heart wrenching painful leap that would leave you in a worse state.
So just before you think you are insane, remember that there is a thin line between insanity and heart break and then go ahead to probe yourself...do you really want to go over that thin line, that threshold for someone who didn't think you worth an extra moment? I hope not.
By Maureen Alasa