fbpx The Kool - Aid Man | The Beat 99.9 FM

You can find him at your place of work, that one guy who thinks he has a right to flirt with all the pretty ladies and get away with it. That one guy who is not necessarily good looking but has a gift of the gap which actually does fill in for whatever physical deficiencies he may have. So yes, this guy may not be hot hot hot but he has something going for him that seems to get the ladies to at least break a smile when he is around.



Now why is 'The Kool-aid man' important today? Well, what usually begins with a nice compliment about your out fit or hair or funny comments about another colleague or a harmless act of constant flirting could very easily become irritating and that is why today, for the Kool-aid man whose constant act of flirting and annoying hand movements even when you don't want to be touched, seems to be a rising bile at the base of my throat, well this is for you...a note of warning as I have decided to speak on behalf of the female community you have so irritated :


Dear Mr Kool-Aid,



I hope this meets you well. I have had a lot of grievances and it is starting to weigh on me like an artificial hump on my mood's back and so I want to let you know the cold hard truth of what and how I really feel about you.



- I hate it when you call me the sexiest lady on the block, right after which you tell Janet no one comes close to her hawt bod.


- It is not funny when you speak ill of Jack all the time to impress me and every other lady because in case you haven't noticed, Jack helped me out with my batteries when my car wouldn't start and so I don't think he is as retarded as you make him out to be.



- Sometimes I just wanna be quiet and alone, I don't need you being hyperactive around me...sorry but yeah...that's a fact!


- You see how you squeeze me, stylishly moving your hands in the process and then feign ignorance? that is so cheap! So please enough of the cheap smooch...because I am at the brink of losing it with you.


- Lunch time or desk snacking should be personal and the reason I don't talk while at it is because I don't want my saliva in my food before mastication so please keep your natural sprinklers away from my food.


- No! don't get it twisted I respect you...I feel sorry for you and because you annoyingly have a huge fan base I am a little concerned and so I have been quiet but the next time you call me your office anything...I would stick my pen in you because you are not my type!



Now keep the trolls coming Mr Kool-Aid the irritant....but for those who are actually cool and funny and real and don't try to ruin my day with their filthy flirtations, well you are the ones that actually put a cap on the 'F' of 'work fun'. You guys are the real MVP and most certainly know where the lines are and know better than to cross it...*winks*



N.B : Don't hate the messenger, I am nothing but a creative pen and with it I have written the thoughts of a million minds. Feel free to register here for contributions. You can also contact me at mauraleen@yahoo.com for topic suggestions and I just might be writing yours next!


BY Maureen Alasa


Related Content